Power Relations and Children

Growing up it is normal and needed for parents to teach their children, to guide them, discipline them, and to push them in the right direction.  However, when children move off to college and get married the parents no longer have that ability, or at least they shouldn't.

For some parents it is hard to let your children go and make choices on their own, it can be hard to see that they have their own families and doing things with parents and children still at home may not always be possible.  But by not letting them go parents can hurt their children.

When I turned 18 and even in the months leading up to my birthday I hated it when my dad would tell me what to do, how to do things, how situations would play out, and what would happen when I made choices.  I made me super angry!  As an adult he has tried to do these same things.  I don't blow my dad off when he tries to take charge of me, but I do respond with a simple,"I will take your thoughts into consideration."  For a long time it was hard for m to make choices before first consulting my husband and my dad.  Now more often than not my dad has no idea whats going on.  Not because I don't wan him to know but because he doesn't need to know.  It is between me and my husband and that's all who need s to know.

With all that being said, as children we do still need to respect our parents even if we think they are wrong.  I know I don't agree with a lot of what my dad has to say but I still respect him as my father.

Once you have learned the parent child relationship you need to know how to communicate with your spouse.  Mu husband and I make sure that we talk about things before we give an answer.  For example a friend of mine wanted me to come over and spend the evening with her.  The first thing out of my mouth was,"Let me talk to my husband and make sure we don't have anything going on."  I do this not because my husband is controlling but because as a husband and wife we make choices together.  We are a unit, we are equals.  And the only way to become equals is to treat each other that way.

Does this mean that marriage is easy? Nope!  But it does mean that taking time to talk to each other will make it easier then it could be.  Talk to your spouse, show them respect, show them you care about what they have to say by talking to them about important and even unimportant things on a daily basis.